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Quotes by Fred Allen
(1894 - 1956)


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ActorsAn actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
AdvertisingAdvertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commision.
BostonI have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself there.
CaliforniaCalifornia is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
CommitteesCommittee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
CommitteesA committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
ConferencesA conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
ConversationDuring the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk, today we have small men enjoying big talk.
HollywoodHollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
HumanityIf I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign the human race.
RememberingI always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names -- and I can't remember what the third thing is.
StupidityWhat's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
TelevisionImitation is the sincerest form of television.
TelevisionTelevision is regarded as a medium because so little of it is rare or well done.
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