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Quotes by John A. King (

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AbortionI want to be certified as an abortion clinic, so pro-life activists will have to stay at least 150 feet away from me.
BaseballWhich speaks more profoundly of America: the fact that the CIA's National Intelligence Daily once reported the score of a baseball game ... or the fact that the score in question really did have implications for America's national security?
- (
ComputersSometimes I feel like a programmer-analyst trapped inside an analyst-programmer's body.
- (Occasionally known as The Covert Comic.)
CosmologyThe Australian flag is noteworthy in that, cosmologically speaking, it's becoming less accurate with every passing second. By contrast, the cosmological accuracy of the American flag has actually been increasing over time.
- (from 'Black Matters')
CrisisWhen written in English, the word 'crisis' is composed of two word stems - one represents 'cry,' the other represents 'to your sister.'
Devil in the DetailsDevil in details. Details at eleven.
EncryptionThe decryption is the encryption, and vice versa.
Facing RealityWhen facing reality, always look due south.
GodGod isn't an old man with a beard who lives in the clouds. God is the beard.
HamburgerA good hamburger looks like someone eating a hamburger.
HypocricyThe size of a mind is inversely proportional to the amount of indignation that will fit inside it.
- (
Motivational QuotesI've finally realized that I don't need to try to be someone I'm not. I'm someone I'm not already.
PerfectionThere's a saying: 'If 99 percent was good enough, gravity wouldn't work for 14 minutes every day.' I did the calculation, and it's actually 14 minutes and 24 seconds. Which can only mean that, for the person who wrote that saying, 97.2 percent was good enough.
Practical JokesThe term "practical joke" isn't an oxymoron, it's a redundancy.
Self-ImprovementWho will personally train the personal trainers?
TerrorismIn Islam it's called a 'fatwa.' In the Christian religion, it's known as a 'Memorandum for the Record.'
- (from 'My War On Terror!')
The Sublime and the RidiculousTo go from the sublime to the ridiculous is less ridiculous than going from the ridiculous to the sublime.
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