Quotes by Dr. Samuel Johnson
(1707 - 1784)

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Abstinence	Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult.
Actors	If in an actor there appears an utter vacancy of meaning, a frigid equality, a stupid languor, a torpid apathy, the greatest kindness that can be shown him is a speedy sentence of expulsion.
Actors	When I asked him, "Would not you, sir, start as Mr. Garrick does, if you saw a ghost?" He answered, "I hope not. If I did, I should frighten the ghost."
Actors	Speaks of respeting actors, “What, Sir, (respect) a fellow who claps a lump on his back, and a lump on his leg, and cries 'I am Richard the Third'? Nay, Sir, a ballad singer is a higher man, for he does two things; he repeats and he sings: there is both recitation and musick in his performance: the player only recites."
Advice	Few things are so liberally bestowed, or squandered with so little effect, as good advice.
America	I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.
America	Slavery is now no where more patiently endured, than in countries once inhabited by the zealots of liberty.
America	How is it that we hear the loudest yelps for liberty among the drivers of negroes?
America	Sir, they are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging. - (on Americans)
Animals	A cow is a very good animal in the field; but we turn her out of a garden.
Animals	We are told, that the black bear is innocent; but I should not like to trust myself with him.
Arguments	Johnson having argued for some time with a pertinacious gentleman; his opponent, who had talked in a very puzzling manner, happened to say, 'I don't understand you, Sir;' upon which Johnson observed, 'Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding.'
Books	Paradise Lost is one of the books which the reader admires and puts down, and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is.
Bores	He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
Censorship	Censure is willingly indulged, because it always implies some superiority: men please themselves with imagining that they have made a deeper search, or wider survey than others, and detected faults and follies which escape vulgar observation.
Cleanliness	My wife had a particular reverence for cleanliness, and desired the praise of neatness in her dress and furniture, as many ladies do, till they become troublesome to their best friends, slaves to their own besoms, and only sigh for the hour of sweeping their husbands out of the house as dirt and useless lumber: a clean floor is so comfortable, she would say sometimes, by way of twitting; till at last I told her, that I thought we had had talk enough about the floor, we would now have a touch at the ceiling.
Critics	Criticism is a study by which men grow important and formidible at very small expense.
Critisism	When the people criticised and answered his pamphlets, papers, etc. "Why now, these fellows are only advertising my book (he would say); it is surely better a man should be abused than forgotten."
Critisism	You may abuse a tragedy, though you cannot write one. You may scold a carpenter who has made you a bad table, though you cannot make a table. It is not your trade to make tables.
Critism	Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
Curiosity	Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.
Death	A very ignorant young fellow, who had plagued us all for nine or ten months, died at last consumptive: ""I think (said Mr. Johnson when he heard the news), I am afraid, I should have been more concerned for the death of the dog; but -------- (hesitating a while) I am not wrong now in all this, for the dog acted up to his character on every occasion that we know; but that dunce of a fellow helped forward the general disgrace of humanity.
Death	Depend upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
Drinking	There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.
Drinking	Boswell: 'You must allow me, Sir, at least that it produces truth; in vino veritas, you know, Sir--' 'That (replied Mr. Johnson) would be useless to a man who knew he was not a liar when he was sober.'
Editing	Read over your compositions, and where ever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.
Education	There is now less flogging in our great schools than formerly, but then less is learned there; so that what the boys get at one end, they lose at the other.
Education	Remember always that the parents buy the books, and that the children never read them.
Education	You teach your daugthers the diameters of the planets and wonder when you are done that they do not delight in your company.
England	It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm.
Ethics	If he does really think there is no distinction between virtue and vice, why, Sir, when he leaves our houses, let us count our spoons.
Exercise	Exercise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid.
Faction	Faction seldom leaves a man honest, however it might find him.
Family	Thousands and tens of thousands flourish in youth and wither in age, without the knowledge of any other than domestic evils, and share the same pleasures and vexations, whether their kings are mild or cruel, and whether the armies of their country pursue their enemies or retreat before them.
Food	[Piozzi] asked him, if he ever huffed his wife about his dinner? 'So often (replied he), that at last she called to me, and said, Nay, hold Mr. Johnson, and do not make a farce of thanking God for a dinner which in a few moments you will protest not eatable.
Food	A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of any thing than he does of his dinner; and if he cannot get that well dressed, he should be suspected of inaccuracy in other things.
Food	This was a good dinner enough, to be sure: but it was not a dinner to ask a man to.
Food	Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat. For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else.
Food	A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.
Food	Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.
France	In England, any man who wears a sword and a powdered wig is ashamed to be illiterate. I believe it is not so in France.
France	They have few sentiments, but they express them neatly; they have little meat, too, but they dress it well.
France	What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country.
Freedom	All theory is against the freedom of the will; all experience for it.
Freedom	Sir, we know our will is free, and there's an end on it.
Generosity	I once knew a lady lend the key of her library to a poor scribbling dependent, as if she took the woman for an ostrich that could digest iron.
Golf	A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
Goodness	The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Government	I would not give half a guinea to live under one form of Government rather than another. It is of no moment to the happiness of an individual. Sir, the danger of the abuse of power is nothing to a private man.
Government	How small, of all that human hearts endure, that part which kings or laws can cause or cure.
Grammar	No man forgets his original trade: the rights of nations and of kings sink into questions of grammar, if grammarians discuss them.
Grief	Grief is a species of idleness.
Hate	Men hate more steadily than they love; and if I have said something to hurt a man once, I shall not get the better of this by saying many things to please him.
Hell	The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Humor	A pun is the lowest form of wit, It does not tax the brain a bit; One merely takes a word that's plain And picks one out that sounds the same.
Hypocrocy	No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures.
Imitation	No man ever yet became great by imitation.
Insults	Johnson:'...She is like the Amazons of old; she must be courted by the sword. But I have not been severe to her.' Boswell: 'Yes, Sir, you have made her ridiculous.' Johnson: 'That was already done, Sir. To endeavour to make her ridiculous, is like blacking the chimney.'
Insults	He attacked Gray, calling him' a dull fellow.' Boswell: I understand he was reserved, and might appear dull in company; but surely he was not dull in poetry.' Johnson: 'Sir, he was dull in company, dull in his closet, dull everywhere. He was dull in a new way, and that made many people think him GREAT. He was a mechanical poet.'
Insults	Mrs. Montague, a lady distinguished for having written an Essay on Shakspeare, being mentioned; Reynolds: "I think that essay does her honour." Johnson: "Yes, Sir, it does her honour, but it would do nobody else honour. I have indeed, not read it all. But when I take up the end of a web, and find it packthread, I do not expect, by looking further, to find embroidery."
insults	A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse, and make him wince; but one is still but an insect, and the other is a horse still.
Ireland	The Irish are a fair people; -- they never speak well of one another.
Jamaica	Of a Jamaica gentleman, then lately dead -- 'He will not, whither he is now gone (said Johnson), find much difference, I believe, either in the climate or the company.'
Knowledge	If it rained knowledge, I'd hold out my hand; but I would not give myself the trouble to go in quest of it.
Lawyers	He did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
Lexographer	Lexicographer:.a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the significations of words.
Liars	Foote is quite impartial, for he tells lies about everybody.
Libraries	No place affords a more striking conviction of the vanity of human hopes than a public library; for who can see the wall crowdedon every side by mighty volumes, the works of laborious meditations and accurate inquiry, now scarcely known but by the catalogue
London	Grubstreet: Originally the name of a street in Moorfields in London, much inhabited by writers of small histories, dictionaries, and temporary poems ;whence any mean production is called grubstreet.
Love	It is not hard to love those from whom nothing can be feared.
Lying	We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
Madness	If a madman were to come into this room with a stick in his hand, no doubt we should pity the state of his mind; but our primary consideration would be to take care of ourselves. We should knock him down first, and pity him afterwards
Man	Were one half of mankind brave and the other half cowards, the brave would be always beating the cowards. Were all brave they would lead an uneasy life; all would be continually fighting. But being all cowards we go on very well.
Mankind	As I know more of mankind, I expect less of them, and am ready now to call a man 'a good man', upon easier terms than I was formerly.
Marriage	It is commonly a weak man who marries for love.
Marriage	I believe marriages would in general be as happy, and often more so, if they were all made by the Lord Chancellor, upon a due consideration of characters and circumstances, without the parties having any choice in the matter.
Marriage	Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Marriage	The triumph of hope over experience.
Men	He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
Men	A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
Misery	There is nothing, Sir, too little for a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible
Money	There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.
Morality	Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will repect you most.
Music	Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
Nothing	To do nothing is in everyone's power.
Obscurity	I would rather be attacked than unnoticed. For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works.
Parents	That he delights in the misery of others no man will confess, and yet what motive can make a father cruel?
Parents	The regal and parental tyrant differ only in the extent of their dominions.
Parents	Parents are by no means exempt from the intoxication of dominion.
Parents	Poor people's children, dear Lady never respect them: I did not respect my own mother, though I loved her: and one day, when in anger she called me a puppy, I asked her if she knew what they call a puppy's mother.
Patriotism	Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Patrons	To Lord Chesterfield… "Is not a Patron, my Lord, one who looks with unconcern on a man struggling for life in the water, and, when he has reached ground, encumbers him with help?"
Patrons	Patron: One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports withinsolence, and is paid with flattery.
Pensions	Pension: An allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country.
Pioty	Campbell is a good man, a pious man. I am afraid he has not been inside a church for many years; but he never passes a church without pulling off his hat. This shows that he has good principles.
Poetry	Johnson was asked whether Derrick or Smart was the best poet?' Johnson at once felt himself rouzed; and answered, 'Sir, there is no settling the point of precedency between a louse and a flea.'
Politics	He that changes his party by his humour is not more virtuous than he that changes it by his interest; he loves himself rather than truth.
Poverty	There is no being so poor and so contemptible, who does not think there is somebody still poorer, and still more contemptible.
Praise	He who praises everybody, praises nobody.
Self-love	All censure of a man's self is oblique praise. It is in order to show how much he can spare. It has all the invidiousness of self-praise, and all the reproach of falsehood.
Society	Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
Success	Those who attempt nothing themselves think every thing easily performed, and consider the unsuccessful always as criminal.
Suffering	Melancholy, indeed, should be diverted by every means but drinking.
Suffering	Where there is leisure for fiction there is little grief.
Suffering	The wretched have no compassion.
Suffering	Those who do not feel pain seldom think that it is felt.
Superiority	When people find a man of the most distinguished abilities as a writer their inferior while he is with them, it must be highly gratifying to them.
Theatre	She no more thought of the play out of which her part was taken, than a shoemaker thinks of the skin, out of which the piece of leather, of which he is making a pair of shoes, is cut.
Wealth	Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich.
Wine	Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
Wisdom	To proportion the eagerness of contest to its importance seems too hard a task for human wisdom. The pride of wit has kept ages busy in the discussion of useless questions, and the pride of power has destroyed armies, to gain or to keep unprofitable possessions.
Wit	On Lord Chesterfield….'This man I thought had been a Lord among wits; but, I find, he is only a wit among Lords!'
Women	Men know that women are an over-match for them, and therefore they choose the weakest or most ignorant. If they did not think so, they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves.
Women	I pitied a friend before him, who had a whining wife that found every thing painful to her, and nothing pleasing -- "He does not know that she whimpers (says Johnson); when a door has creaked for a fortnight together, you may observe -- the master will scarcely give sixpence to get it oiled."
Women	There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.
Women	Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.
Women	Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
World	The man who threatens the world is always ridiculous; for the world can easily go on without him, and in a short time will cease to miss him.
Writing	No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.
Youth	I am always (said he) on the young people's side, when there is a dispute between them and the old ones: for at least you have a chance for virtue till age has withered its very root.

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