| Category | Quote | E-Mail this quote | | Cooking | Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
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| Cosmetic Surgery | I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso
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| Dancing | I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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| Gifts | My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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| Love | Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
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| Mothers | Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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| Parents | My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
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| Rich | Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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| Vegitarians | I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
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| Women | Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' 'On what?' 'On fire?'
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