Quotes by Robert Morley

Category	Quote	E-Mail this quote
Actors	It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutiy essential.
Age	As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Age	Time and tide wait for no man- but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
Americans	Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
Atheism	The courts are merely a ruse, if you will, for humanist, atheistic educators to beat up on Christians.
Babbling	I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you. This is not a message of hate; this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor. - (right-wing evangelist)
Banks	A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Belief	Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.
Bible	The insperation of the Bible depends on the ingrance of the gentleman who reads it.
California	If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes.
Children	Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
Children	Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Children	I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.
Christmas	I don't buy Christmas presents. If they want stock for next spring's garage sales let them purchase it themselves.
Communism	Communism was the brain-child of German-Jewish intellectuals. - (Evangelist)
Computers	If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Democracy	Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
Dogs	A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Drinking	Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Education	Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Einstien	Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
Environment	I think the environment should be put in the category of our national security. Defense of our resources is just as important as defense abroad. Otherwise what is there to defend?
Errors	To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Fans	An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Fear	The people I am most afraid of are those who are the most afraid.
Finance	Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally diappears.
Finance	Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
Genius	Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
Gibberish	I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period.
Gibberish	The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
Gibberish	You're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.
Gibberish	Presbyterians are the spirit of the Antichrist. - (Evangelist)
God	God is too big to fit into one religion.
Happiness	Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.
Health	Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Hitlerism	Many of those people involved with Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together.
Humans	The biggest man ya ever gonna see, Was once a baby, In this life - (African Herbsman)
Hunger	The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.
Ideas	Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
Idiocy	I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop. - (of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez)
Idiocy	I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice. Your children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it. - (Evangelist)
Insider	You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider.
Internet	We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards coud produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Invention	Getting caught is the mother of invention.
Language	Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Law	A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
LIberals	A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
Life	In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Male dominance	As long as the husband is following the mandate of the Lord, the wife should submit to his leadership even though she may disagree with it. - (Evangelist)
Meetings	A motion to adjourn is always in order.
Meetings	A meeting here turns into a need for another meeting there, which turns into what they call a service report which recaps what the meeting about the meeting was all about so we're all in agreement and "on the same page" at the next meeting. - (cartoonist)
Misc.	Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.
Misc.	Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Money	Never ask of money spent /n Where the spender thinks it went /n Nobidy was ever meant /n To remember or invent /n What he did with every cent.
Mornings	The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Paranoia	Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smalleer countries are neutral.
Partying	Partying is such sweet sorrow.
Philosophy	It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Politics	You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you have to concentrate on.
Politics	Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
Politics	Pie in the Sky Doesn't Satisfy
Pollution	There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Problems	An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
Problems	If you have any problems at all, don't hesitate to shut up.
Procrastination	There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
Quality	Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.
Quotations	A book of quotations . . . can never be complete.
Quotes	The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Randomness	The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Religion	Historically, fundamentalism referred to those 20th century American Protestants who reacted negatively to science and acted militantly against and reading of the Bible other than a wooden literal reading. Today, fundamentalism is a description applied to militant extremists who demand that others embrace their way or hit the highway. - (Director, Baptist Center for Ethics, Nashville)
Saying	I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
Self Respect	In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.
Shakespeare	The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
stupid	There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution. It is a lie of the Left and we are not going to take it anymore.
Taxes	I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.
Temptation	Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Travel	In America there are two classes of travel - first class and with children.
Understanding	I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - (State Department spokesman)
Vacation	A vacation is having nothing to do, and all day to do it in.
War	It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it.
War	It is well that war is so terrible--we shouldn't grow too fond of it.
War	The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Women	I may not omit those two main plagues and dotages of mankind, wine and women, which have infatuated and besotted millions of people. They go commonly together.
Work	Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
Work	The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Work	Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
Writing	Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

Contact us	Privacy Statement							Disclaimer
Copyright 2001-2020 White Plume Ltd., All rights reserved.