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(1951 - )
| Category | Quote | E-Mail this quote |
|---|---|---|
| arrogance | The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." Now she's got a baseball bat and yelling, "You want a piece of me?" | |
| Cloning | We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. | |
| Divorce | Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet. | |
| England | In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, "Stop, or I'll say stop again." | |
| George W. Bush | Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work! | |
| Madness | You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. | |
| Men | See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. | |
| Politicians | Politicians are a lot like diapers: they should be changed frequently, and for the same reason. | |
| Politics | Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many," and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures." | |
| psychics | If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? | |
| Racism | Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks. - (– Good Morning Vietnam) | |
| Reality | Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. | |
| right and wrong | What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. - (comedian) | |
| right and wrong | I'm sorry. If you were right, I'd agree with you. | |
| Rights | The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. | |
| rush hour | Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? | |
| Satire | People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. | |
| Terrorism | The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" | |
| Timidity | The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get into Harvard. | |
| Ugly | Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose. | |
| W | We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like "We have to get rid of dictators," but he's pretty much one himself. |
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