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| Author | Quote | E-Mail this quote |
|---|---|---|
| A. Whitney Brown | That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. | |
| Bumper Sticker | Dyslexics of the world, untie. | |
| Burma Shave | Our last: / Farewell O verse / Along the road / How sad to see / You're out of mode | |
| Burma Shave | The salesman / Taught the / Farmer's daughter / To plant her tu-lips / Where she otter | |
| Burma Shave | If you must test / Her pucker paint / Be sure to drive / Where traffic ain't | |
| Burma Shave | A man who passes / On hills and curves / Is not a / Man of iron nerves / He's crazy! | |
| Burma Shave | Famous words / About lights that shine / If he won't dim his / I won't dim mine / | |
| Burma Shave | Don't take / A curve at / Sixty per / We hate to lose / A customer | |
| Burma Shave | If hugging on highways / Is your sport / Trade in your car / For a davenport | |
| Burma Shave | Car in ditch / Man in tree / Moon was full / So was he! | |
| Burma Shave | Snake rail fences / And old log houses / Both were built / To keep out / Cowses | |
| Burma Shave | You can drive / A mile a minute / But there is no / Future in it | |
| Burma Shave | They missed the turn / The car went whizzin' / The fault was hern / The funeral hisn | |
| Burma Shave | Angels who guard you / When you drive / Usually retire / At sixty-five | |
| Burma Shave | The car went whizzin' A nut at the wheel / A peach on his right / A curve in the road / Fruit salad that night | |
| Burma Shave | Dim your lights / Behind a car / Let folks see / How bright you are | |
| Burma Shave | If you don't know / Whose signs these are / You haven't driven / Very far! | |
| Burma Shave | Round the curve / Lickety-split / Beautiful car / Wasn't it? | |
| Burma Shave | Thirty days / Hath September / April, June, / And the Speed Offender | |
| Burma Shave | A Man, A Miss / A Car, A Curve / He kissed the Miss / And missed the Curve | |
| Burma Shave | Listen birds / These signs cost money / You can rest awhile / But don't get Funny | |
| Burma Shave | Don't stick your elbow / Out too far / Or it may / Go home / In another car! | |
| Burma Shave | The one who / Drives when / He's been drinking / Depends on you / To do his thinking | |
| Burma Shave | The midnight / Ride of Paul / For beer / Led to a warmer / Hemishpere | |
| Burma Shave | He lit a match / To check gas tank / That's why / They call him / Skinless frank | |
| Burma Shave | If daisies / Are your / Favorite flower / Keep pushin' up those / Miles-per-hour | |
| Burma Shave | Many a forest / Used to stand / Where a / Lighted match / Got out of hand | |
| Burma Shave | Don't leave safety / To mere chance / That's why / Belts are / Sold with pants | |
| Burma Shave | Don't / Try passing / On a slope / Unless you have / A periscope | |
| Burma Shave | Passing cars / When you can't see / May get you / A glimpse / Of eternity | |
| Burma Shave | Said farmer Brown / Who's bald / On top / Wish I could / Rotate the crop | |
| Burma Shave | Drinking drivers-- / Nothing worse / They put / The quart / Before the hearse | |
| Burma Shave | Does your husband / Misbehave / Grunt and grumble / Rant and rave? / Shoot the brute some | |
| Burma Shave | Take / Your / Time / Not / Your life | |
| Burma Shave | Cattle crossing / Means go slow / That old bull / Is some / Cow's beau | |
| Burma Shave | The blackened forest / Smoulders yet / Because / He flipped / A cigarette | |
| Burma Shave | The blackened forest / Smoulders yet / Because / He flipped / A cigarette | |
| Burma Shave | These signs / Are not / For laughs alone / The face they save / May be your own | |
| Burma Shave | The safest rule / No ifs or buts / Just drive / Like every one else / Is nuts! | |
| Burma Shave | Around / The curve / Lickety-split / It's a beautiful car / Wasn't it? | |
| Burma Shave | No matter / The price / No matter how new / The best safety device / In your car is you | |
| Burma Shave | It gave / McDonald / That needed charm / Hello Hollywood / Good-by farm | |
| Burma Shave | Why is it / When you / Try to pass / The guy in front / Goes twice as fast? | |
| Burma Shave | His rose / Is wed / His violet blew / But his sugar is sweet / Since he took this cue | |
| Burma Shave | Better try / Less speed per mile / That car / May have to / Last a while | |
| Burma Shave | Is he / Lonesome / Or just blind-- / This guy who drives / So close behind? | |
| Burma Shave | Heaven's / Latest / Neophyte / Signalled left / Then turned right | |
| Burma Shave | Drinking drivers / Don't you know / Great bangs / From little / Binges grow? | |
| Burma Shave | Substitutes / Can do / More harm / Than city fellers / On a farm | |
| Burma Shave | Proper / Distance / To him was bunk / They pulled him out / Of some guy's trunk | |
| Burma Shave | The band / For which / The grand stand roots / Is not made up of / Substi-toots! | |
| Burma Shave | Spring / Has sprung / The grass has riz / Where last year's / Careless drivers is | |
| Burma Shave | Cautious rider / To her / Reckless dear / Let's have less bull / And lots more steer | |
| Burma Shave | Altho insured / Remember, kiddo / They don't pay you / They pay / Your widow | |
| Burma Shave | Train approaching / Whistle squealing / Pause! / Avoid that / Rundown feeling! | |
| Burma Shave | Train wrecks few Reason clear / Fireman / Never hugs / Engineer | |
| Burma Shave | He tried / To cross / As fast train neared / Death didn't draft him / He volunteered | |
| Burma Shave | Her chariot / Raced 80 per / They hauled away / What had / Ben Her | |
| Burma Shave | Violets are blue / Roses are pink / On graves / Of those / Who drive and drink | |
| Burma Shave | A guy / Who drives / A car wide open / Is not thinkin' / He's just hopin' | |
| Burma Shave | Twinkle, twinkle / One-eyed car / We all wonder / WHERE you are | |
| Burma Shave | The place to pass / On curves / You know / Is only at / A beauty show | |
| Burma Shave | On curves ahead / Remember, sonny / That rabbit's foot / Didn't save / The bunny | |
| Burma Shave | The place to pass On curves You know Is only at A beauty show | |
| Charlie Chaplin (1889 - 1977) | In the end, everything is a gag. | |
| Dr. Samuel Johnson (1707 - 1784) | A pun is the lowest form of wit, It does not tax the brain a bit; One merely takes a word that's plain And picks one out that sounds the same. | |
| E. B. White (1899 - 1985) | Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. | |
| Frank Tyger | The ultimate test of whether you posses a sense of humor is your reaction when someone tells you you don't. | |
| Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) | I don't have a photograph. I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks. | |
| Jack Benny (1894 - 1974) | When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it. | |
| James Thurber (1894 - 1961) | Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. | |
| James Thurber | The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. | |
| Jay Leno (1950 - ) | An airline passenger died suddenly during the flight, so he was moved into an empty seat in first class. Well, a little late for an upgrade, wasn't it? | |
| Larry Gelbart | One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. | |
| Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) | The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. | |
| Mel Brooks | Tradegy is when I cut my finger. comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die. | |
| Stephen L. Millich (1941 - ) | A good sense of humor is no laughing matter | |
| Stephen L. Millich (1941 - ) | A good sense of humor is no laughing matter. | |
| Steven Wright (1955 - ) | OK, so what's the speed of dark? | |
| unknown | Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study Hard. Be evil. | |
| unknown | Never judge a good book by it's movie | |
| unknown | If first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you. | |
| unknown | You're unique...just like everybody else. | |
| unknown | Life's a bitch and seeing you, it looks like she just had babies. | |
| unknown | Person 1: I have an eyelash in my my eye Person 2: Better than a rock. | |
| unknown | I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. | |
| unknown | I think I am; therefore I must be | |
| unknown | Snowmen are gifts from heaven; they just came assembly required. | |
| Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) | I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. | |
| Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) | Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. |
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