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| Author | Quote | E-Mail this quote |
|---|---|---|
| A. Whitney Brown | A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer. | |
| Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) | Lawsuit, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. | |
| Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) | Lawyer, n. One skilled in the circumvention of the law. | |
| Anatole France (1844 - 1924) | The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. | |
| Anonymous | What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller. | |
| Anonymous | The underworld risks much and works hard to steal from others. Is it worth the effort? | |
| Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) | When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. | |
| Charles Lamb (1775 - 1834) | Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. | |
| De La Lastra's Corollary | After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted. | |
| De La Lastra's Law | After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed. | |
| Dr. Samuel Johnson (1707 - 1784) | He did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'. | |
| Edward Abbey (1927 - 1989) | The more corrupt a society, the more numerous its laws. | |
| Evelle J. Younger (1903 - 1966) | An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attornety can delay one even longer. | |
| Francois Rebelais | A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell. | |
| Glaser and Way | The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. | |
| H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) | Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation. | |
| Jay Leno (1950 - ) | If you can prove you have broken the existing law for two years, you'll be protected under the new law. - (on provisions of proposed illegal-alien legislation) | |
| Jeremy Bentham | Every law is an infraction of liberty. | |
| John Alejandro King a.k.a. The Covert Comic | The Law of Scary Laws: For any behavior, policy or belief X, one's personal disapproval of X can be expressed as a scary law of the form: 'Those who fail to stand up to X will sooner or later find themselves at X's feet.' | |
| Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745) | Laws are like cobwebs, which catch small flies but let wasps and hornets break through. | |
| Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745) | Law is a bottomless pit; it is a cormorant, a harpy that devours everything. | |
| Mister Boffo | If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. | |
| Oliver Wendell Holmes | This is a court of law young man, not a court of justice. | |
| Plato | Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. | |
| Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) | A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. | |
| Solomon Short | Nothing is as dangerous as an unemployed lawyer. | |
| Stephen Millich (1941 - ) | The only thing worse than "Trust me, I'm a lawyer" is "Trust me, I'm your lawyer." | |
| Stephen Millich (1941 - ) | A lawsuit is a necesssary waste of time. | |
| Stephen Millich (1941 - ) | The insult is the greatest form of praise one lawyer can have for another. | |
| Steven Wright | Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. | |
| Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) | It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. | |
| Voltaire | I was never ruined but twice; once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one. |
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